by Vanessa Dominguez
Do women cheat on their “significant other” as often as men do? Do cheating women get caught as often as men who cheat? Why do women cheat? These are all questions psychologists as well as men would like to know the answers to.
In a past issue of The Gazette, we found over 50 local men who had joined a website that encourages infidelity. After publishing that article, many readers and Facebook friends felt we were being unfair by not focusing on local women who were also members of that website. While there were dramatically fewer women members, we were able to find several. The smaller number of local women members seems to follow the evidence from studies that show most victims of adultery are women. However, according to a study done by Eagle’s Nest Publications, 30-40% of adultery victims are men. Lack of fulfillment and unhappiness are often cited by both men and women as reasons for infidelity. Some say they stay in their relationships only “for the children.”
Are these good reasons for infidelity or are they merely excuses? Do these people wish for their own children to get married someday and do the same, stray just because they are unhappy?
Historically, marriage has been viewed as a union that was designed to bear children and a union that was to be nurtured through good times and bad. The traditional marriage vows of “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health” reflect that history.
So what has changed? In today’s world the theme of self and instant gratification is everywhere. We see it in everything from fast food to instant messaging. Also, many couples find it hard to communicate, especially when they disagree on something. Finally, men and women just view the world from different vantage points and that in and of itself often leads to conflict. Thankfully, we as a society have started to recognize that marriage is important and should be preserved. To that end, there are many classes and seminars designed to help spouses communicate better and truly value their relationships. These classes are often offered for free through either churches or community groups.
Building Healthy Marriages, is a FREE program offered by United Way of Weld County and is available to couples, married people, and even singles wishing to arm themselves with all the tools necessary to create a future with a happy healthy marriage. “Building Healthy Marriages” is not a program where you are forced to share your relationship problems with a group of strangers. Instead it is an intimate group setting facilitated by people who have happy healthy marriages. The facilitators demonstrate happiness in their own relationship by the way they look at each other and speak about each other. They let the group know that many have come into the program separated or unhappy and turned the relationship around so much so that they are in love with each other again. They also let people know this is a not a cure all, if people are not open to change and learning, they may leave with the same mindset they walked through the door with.
For more information, visit http://www.buildinghealthymarriages.org or call 2-1-1